First off let me start with a disclaimer; please, please, please, don’t go walking around the locker room all naked like. I went in to find a 300 pound man naked one time and I am scared for life…and now so are you after putting that image in your mind…you can feel, my pain. Anyway please…don’t do it.
As an athlete I love to lift weights to get bigger and enhance my sporting abilities. As a person I love to lift weights so good looking girls like Shelly Berry will think I’m quite the gentlemen and a scholar. There ya go halllleyy Berrrryyy ;) Any who like I said lifting is something that I like to do to grab the attention of the chickas as well as make me a better athlete. But what I cant stand is when January comes around and we get a large number what I like to call “Iatealotoffoodoverwinterbreakandimtryingtocomletemytwoweeknewyearsresolution”ERs slips right off the tongue doesn’t it? But that’s not all so I thought I’d do us all a favor and point out the gym stereotypes I’ve been seeing at La gymnasio.
The Poser
I’d like to let Hulk Hogan take the blame for these mirror-loving lifters. The culprit is usually a male and of decent shape. They love the fact that the ten push-ups they are doing every other Sunday are actually showing minuscule results. They generally do about three lifts then spend the rest of the time basking in the glory that is shown by the florescent lighting.
The heavy weight no lifty guy
Peter Pan over here loves to throw on as much weight as the bar can hold just to make himself look huge. Then spends about 10 minutes in his warm up…look around and try to grab the attention of every male n female that walks on by. Usually likes to smile and look at others and give them the “Woo, this is gonna be a tough one!” look. Then pulls the weight off the bar and wipes his for-head and says what a DAY!
The old Fella
You got to embrace this senior citizen. He is usually retired and trying to get some time away from his also retired wife ;P Generally he is a kind soul who just “Enjoys being around the youth” (said in Old Man Jankins voice) he doesn’t do a lot of lifting but gosh darn it he’s putting in effort and trying!
The Creepy OId Guy
For some reason his at home work out tapes just wont do the trick. Generally he likes to hit on/ stare at all the good looking females that strut on by and also doesn’t feel the need to lift too much. Overall he’s a jovial guy and doesn’t mean any harm just kind of a strange bird
The big guy loosing a ton of weight
I love this guy because he’s trying to better himself and if he sticks to his plan he will be looking great in no time! Usually a quite guy and likes to get in do his work and get out. After about 3 or 4 months he looses 50 pounds and is an inspiration. I love seeing these guys because they set a goal and achieve it. I think that’s excellent!
The Tool!
Yes he is literally a wrench. That is it. But no really. This guy lifts so everyone around him feels bad about themself. Generally this guy comes in with a hat tilted to the side, a wife beater shirt and some sort of shorts. Also likes to wear shirts that he bought at the Baby gap that wouldn’t fit their 125 pound little brother. They also try scooping up the pretty ladies at the gym. Sometimes they are usually successful at getting the females because for some reason ladies love that? Anyhow they make me upset and I want to hit them but they are too large and will literally tear me apart.
The cute girl
Bless your heart. Without you there would be slim to no reason for us to go to the gym. They are generally in very good shape (Sometimes too good, you can tone down if you like J ) But none the less they work hard and hate when all the guys look at them but secretly, love it ;)
The Athlete
Last but not least the Athlete. Ill just explain this little number using long snapper ;) generally this fella is a good looking, grabs the attention of all the males and females. All the guys want to be your friend and ladies love to love you when they can. Sometimes they have an amazing lion tattoo or something that’s awesome and shows superiority. No I don’t have this tat but you can imagine what it would be like if I did huh? Huh? Any who this person is usually a hard worker and quite strong. You could see this ravishing human being almost every day at the gym, they are best people to date your daughter.
There are other stereotypes in the gym but I didn’t have time to go into detail with all of them. Many of them include but are not limited too; the old lady, the retired 50 year old guy who thinks hes still an athlete and wears ’78 conference champs shirts, the runner, the I have to carry an old jug of milk filed with water guy, the guy, the girl, it, The walk a rounder, conversationalist, the I like carrying around my protein shake even though I might not have lifted that hard to need it guy, the guy who barley wears any clothes guy, the strange too many weird tattoos guy, the guy with a weird beard, the beard, a cat, a dog, a kitten, a bear, a bird (seriously how do birds get in the gym??), a zebra, a lion, a cow, a pig, a chicken, a goat, elephants, the jeans guy, the guy who doesn’t wear deodorant, so on and so forth...but there seriously isn't all those animals...I thought it would be funny if I did that...get off my case! Sue me! But seriously don't...I don't have that kind of money..
Ladies and Gentlemen: I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!!
Today January 21, 2012 is my dad KEVIN PATRICK MONAGHAN’s BIRTHDAY !!!
DAYS LIKE THESE ARE LIKE A GUY LIKE THIS, THEY DON’T COME AROUND TOO OFTEN!!! IF YOU GET A CHANCE TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY DO IT!!! No seriously please do it…he’s getting old and forgetful, we sometimes have to remind him to wear pants in the morning, please remind this over-the-hiller that today he is 52! I think… haha. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!
That is all the people of the gym! Hope you enjoyed my antics and shananagins!
