What being a Long Snapper actually is goes beyond actual long snapping. I mean first off and I’m not ashamed to admit it I’ve used the line to pick up the dames “Yeah I play D1 football” But also there is a certain swag that snappers walk with. I mean look at Rubio long snapper Reid Ferguson (class of 2012 snapper on a full to LSU and good friend of mine) after some hours of trying to do my homework…psh biology, Chlorophyll more like boraphyll. See what I did there? I was doing some recent Facebook creeping and stumbled upon his lady friend. She is quite easy on the eyes. Your welcome Reid. Anyhow I thought wow how does he get such a classy dime to give him the time of day? Then Thought well isn’t it obvious? He’s a Rubio snapper. So I’ve taken it upon myself to explain why Rubio snappers get the prettiest ladies:
- we obviously are the best looking cats on the green. Lets be real.
-We were trained by the best so just having girls see us snap with our perfect form makes them weak at the knees and throw themselves at us
-What if there was an intruder in your home? Ahh! I need someone to save me!! Says Damsel in Distress. Boom. We’ve got it covered. We can hit the jabrone from up to 15 yards away within under .72 seconds with a ball of death. Sorry team.
-We are pretty much the most normal kids on the team. You don’t have to worry about us getting extensive interviews on how much pressure we had on us trying to snap the ball on the game winning field goal. Reporters just walk on by. So it’s pretty easy to talk to us after the game.
-Oh you don't believe me so far? well take a gander at this little photograph After a long day of competing at the TOP 12 event Elite camp in 2010
Thats right we didn't even know these girls before this day! (I know what your thinking and yes somehow USC's kicker n punter hopped in there, but its cool, cuz they were bro's) I know you can barley see Cheadle with his camo but he's there haha
-We only get a few plays a game (granted they are the most important plays ever in a million years…just saying.) so we wont always have to get hurt. I mean lets be serious quarterbacks get hurt all the time. Do you think ladies really want to have to deal with all that? The emotional tax that puts on them? Then have to take care of them? No. Didn’t think so. Boomtown.
- We know how to farm…that is it.
-We have this little thing called CONFIDENCE! Lets be real for 5 seconds broseiden, what ladies don’t like confidence? I know which kinds, not cool ones. That’s who. Anyhow we have to snap a ball upside down backwards and some of us don’t look till the very last millisecond. And we have to do that in-front of sometimes 110,000 people plus who ever is watching on tv. We also do it and don’t break a sweat. Swag.
-Contrary to popular belief. We do in-fact swag when we surf. That’s right Wayne got it from us. Your welcome Weezy F. Baby ;)
-Most of us tend to be a little pudgy with a tummy. You know what that means right? If ladies want to put a little on, there is no room for us to judge because we are rather large ourselves. Your welcome.
-Anyone can wear a quarterback or a wide receivers jersey, but lets be honest snappers are cooler. Plus we have cooler numbers like ahhhh 69!! Or you could wear a jersey with the number 69 or hey did I mention sometimes snappers like myself and CAL snapper John Sheperdson both rock the 69? How cool is that? Ill tell you. Cooler than cool hand luke himself.
-Since we have so much time in practice after thinking of snapping, actually getting up to snap, warm up, snap, get 0 praise after a flawless performance, then go back to what we are doing. we often like to talk to our inferior to coolness kickers. We tend to philosophy on how the world should be run. What things would be like if we were president. The girl that has a striking resemblance to Megan Fox in our bio class (Seriously its got to be her twin), what was going on on the latest episode of Keeping up With the Kardashians or Opra…that’s right I said it. We also know exactly what Paula Deen cooked on her last episode. So we are always fun to talk to because we are always current.
- We know every single restaurant in town. Their availability. And what’s on the Desert menu. You better believe your going to the right spot when your out with us
-For the most part we are smart
-For the most part we do what we are told
-ahhhh we’re cool? Shouldn’t that be enough?
-And we have to ability to go to the NFL better than anyone else. So if anything does the term cash cow come to mind? Uh-huh uh-huh.
Well I think I hear Kanye about to come on stage so I gatta go!
As always team. Stay classy and until next time thank a long snapper…they ahh…they don’t get it enough.
In the words of Patrick P. Scott TOODLES!
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