Ah yes love is in the air! It is Valentines day, a day full of joy, love, happiness and caring. It also means one big thing…getting the card and everything you need on a date. Now this can be a tricky, specially if your last minute shopping at the car wash right before you see your date… even though those are the best funny cards. Just sayin. Choosing a card can be tough though.
And it alllll depends on how long you have been going out. Lets be real fellas don’t go out of your way to buy an extravagant card when you’ve only been dating for 2 weeks. Or do it…I don’t care, I’m the single one around here, why are you taking my advice anyway? Now if you’ve been dating for a while I think it’s safe to say its time for the singy card. You know the ones that have the singers crammed in the card so when you open it, their only choice of air is to sing? Yeah those. Now here come the flowers. Flowers are the key ingredient to this love stew. It gives off every intention on what you plan on doing in this date. Roses….well you want to get lucky. Woah, woah everyone settle your horses. Were talking about the gumball machine at the restaurant duhhh. Everyone wants the pink gumball. That’s a scientific fact. Anyhow pink flowers say “Hey there, I think your cute and I don’t want you to think I’m trying to try my luck, I mean maybe after this we can go back to my dorm and watch a nice movie, such as Gladiator or Saving Private Ryan, you know something cute like that” that’s the perfect flower. The best type of flowers for newly weds. I say weds cuz having a girlfriend is like being married. Lets face it laaats of commitment goin on between yous twos. I suppose you can get other kinds of flowers but that means your not even trying. Anyhow here comes the deal breaker. Where you eat. Me I like to keep it 100% classy and take her to Dobbs pavilion, ya know the dorm food. It says yeah you’re cute and I obviously would like to date you and yeah I guess ill use my swipes on you. If you decide to be less classy you can I guess take her to applebees right? But lets be honest that’s probably a $30 meal and you don’t want to spend all that money when you could save up for the new N64 Mario Kart game huh? Did ya think of that? No you didn’t. You’re welcome. Also the classy yet sophisticated run to McDonalds isn’t too far out of the question either. Just try not to stray from the dollar menu too much. Now the end of the night approaches and you’re getting nervous. Do you go in for the kiss? Or the hug? What if you’re not interested? Should you act like your interested? Then your not interested but now she’s interested. But then you might be interested and now she might not be interested? Then you wind up doing that Cash out hug where you lean in and your bottom stays out. Yeahh it can get more awkward then when Eli got drafted to the chargers after he said he wouldn’t play for them WOOPS! Did I go there, I think I did ;) anyhow do the lean in for the hug/maybe we should kiss method. 60% of the time it works every time. You’re at her door step or in your car dropping her off then BOOM! Go in for the hug then if you lean in a little and she does, lay it on her! If she doesn’t…blame it on a cramp in your lower back. Its golden! That part of the date is by far the most awkward part of any new date. Well there has been my advice! I hope it has helped you on your single awareness day date! This has been Nick Monaghan the love guru!
I HAVE ERGANT NEWS!! I guess now is a better time then ever to tell the world of my secret Valentine that has been mine for a few years. Ladies and Gentlemen Miley Cyrus and I have been quite the lovers over the past years. You know texts back n forth, promiscuous dates here and there. Sneaking out of the house, you know teenage stuff. But I figured I must tell the world! Love you honey bug!
Side note…Too much PDA annoys America and is the reason why we are in a recession. That is all.
HAVE A GREAT HALLMARK DAY! :D
i prefer the buttsex
ReplyDelete